A Story Essay I Attempted in My English Exam...

It has been long since I attempted a story writing essay, this time, since I had to better question to write, I wrote a story about "A Day Along the River". I hadn't much faith of my essay writing this time, because I decided to write the whole story all over again when I was writing through half-way. But, in the end, I got 40 out of 50 for this essay.

Here goes:

It was just the start of the holidays, the mid-term exam fever was just over, a couple of my friends and I decided to spend the day along the river. We wanted to forget the stress of SPM for awhile. With our parents' permission, we headed down to the Sedim River on a bright Sunday morning. But before that, we had to make a few stops for provisions for the picnic; like a portable stove, some food, and a mat.

As Dan could drive, he drove us all the way to Sedim in his Nissan Serena. The journey took about an hour. We had to encounter a few bumpy dirt roads as only a few people know about Sedim area. When we arrived, the sight was unbelievable. The scenery was just fantastic! I didn't know that crystal clear waters still existed in Malaysia. I thought such rivers had already gone extinct as the rivers everyday I see in the city are either polluted with rubbish, or brown in color. My friends and I, who were crazy about photography, took out our cameras and took a few shots of the scenery. After taking a few photos, we unpacked out stuff. We found a shady spot under a big tree.

After unpacking and setting up the place, we quickly changed into our swimming trunks and costumes. Mat and I, who couldn't wait, jumped into the water. The water was so cool and refreshing. Shuang, who was afraid of the water, was reluctant to come in. She wanted to read a book. It was just like her, always reading. After much persuading, she finally gave in. Wen, who was feeling a little cheeky, pushed her when she was unaware. Then, because of that, for the next 5 minutes or so, all we could hear were only her shouts for help. We tried to calm her down, and tried to encourage her not to be afraid of the water. Soon, she got used to the water and actually enjoyed herself. We swam around, chit-chatting by the rocks. Mat suddenly shouted to us "Would you guys like a game of water polo?" We all agreed eagerly. It has been a long time since we played water polo together. The last time we played when we were in primary school. The boys wanted to play a boy versus girl competition, but the girls said that it would be unfair. In the end, one group had two guys and a girl, the other had two girls and a guy. The competition was an interesting one. Although one group had an advantage of having two guys in a group, the group with girls won the match. We were shocked that Shuang who was scared of the water and her first time playing, scored the most goals! She really had overcome her fear of water. Zhean nearly drowned though. Luckily Mat and I managed to pull him out of the water in the nick of time. He was starting to lose consciousnesses. We had to stop the match for awhile to let him recover. Wen cried, because she couldn't bear to watch such accidents.

After our game of water polo, we headed to the shore for lunch as it was about noon. The boys started the fire of the newly bought portable stoves, while the girls got the food stuff out from the car. Before we started cooking, Wen suggested that we had a competition between the boys and girls to see who can cook better. The boys were reluctant, because they knew they would lose. Mat and Zhean didn't know how to cook at all! After half of hour of trying, the food the boys cooked weren't palatable. We all had a good laugh.

After a hearty meal, we all slowly one by one dozed off, tired from the game of water polo. At about 5, we all woke and went for another swim again. Surprisingly, the water was still cool. Mat began to tell us the physics concept behind this phenomena, but we all shut him off. We spent the rest of the time collecting some shiny and smooth stones for out parents to put in the garden as decorating objects.

At about 6, we began to pack up, and decided that we all must have another outing by the river when SPM is over!

What do you think of my essay?