Most of Us are Deluded... At Least I Am.

Self-delusion is a flaw. Yet even I who have tried to prevent myself to being self-deluded have fallen into the trap of being so. I often ask myself when i'm doing my work: Will what I do be ever good enough? What is all these that I am doing leading to? Are my efforts always futile? In the end, I would feel that what I have done are in vain, I should stop wasting time on this and devote myself to some sort of entertainment.

In other words , a distraction. A distraction to distract myself from the fact that i'm feeling unworthy and empty. However, these distractions, are temporary never permanent, and truth is eternal. Social entertainment, computer games, random channels on TV are often my distractions that I fall prey into. 

Exams. Are. Right. Around. The. Corner.

Blowing the Happy Dust Mites Away...

I was wondering around the blogosphere today, and I remember that I too have a blog! OH, it has been a long time since I've blogged (look at my last post, it's dated August 24th, 2012!). I'm sure the dust mites (comment-spammers) have been feasting away happily filling my old blog posts with nothing but spam (I've removed them already), but it's high time I put an end to that. It's time to put back my blogging cap on and get my rusty writing skills to work!

Looking back on some of my old blog posts, I wonder why did I ever start this site in the first place. Why did I start blogging? I remember years ago when I started this thing (it has been 7 years, since 2007), all I blogged about was about me, ranting and raving how unfair life was, posting music lyrics, etc... typical teenage drama, though looking back it serves as a sort of a personal journal. After maturing up a little, blogging became a place for me to raise my opinions and thoughts to the public. I mean who doesn't want a chance to express their feelings to people? I think blogging was just the right technology that came along and gave people the chance to do just that. Of course, I was also caught up by the thought of generating income (via Adsense, and all the other advertising gadgets around my blog), though I gave it up a long time ago. It takes AGES to get enough to cash out your money from ads, unless of course, you're a celebrity blogger.

Ok, enough of me reminiscing of how-I-started-my-blog. So, what's my motivation to blog now?

2 words. Still searching.

Uni Life. The Endless Cycle.

A New Chapter, Monash Orientation: July 2012.

Ever wondered why books have so many chapters instead of just one? It's because that's a mark of a new distinct period in the character's life, where the author adds new variables, to liven up the plot, making the book more interesting.

Similar to my situation here, here I am, Day 1 of Orientation in Monash. Monash has a different style of running things (according to them, don't know whether it's true), that is for example, by letting the students themselves to take charge and organise the whole orientation event. Based on by observation, those students organising the whole thing are highly organised. The whole event was something like the "Welcoming the New Form Sixers" by Sixth Form Society that I once joined in Keat Hwa when I was in Form 6, except this was at a much larger scale.

As an introvert, adapting to this new environment was quite hard for me, especially in a place not knowing any familiar faces or friends. And it isn't me to make the first move to talk to people, I guess I have to start doing so, or my uni life shall be a lonely one. Fortunately, I met someone, quite by accident from Kedah!!!..., which is like so rare (most of them are from kl), pity he isn't taking the same course as me, although we will be in the same faculty.

Shall blog more about my life here in Campus in due time, currently am without an iPad camera connection kit (therefore no pictures), and without Internet in my residence or campus.

Job Hunting Experiences. :D

I'm back!... after a long absence from this blogosphere.

I know my blog has been "dead" for quite awhile, but there is a good reason to that. I've taken up a job! Well, 2 jobs actually, as a tutor and also a Switcher, a.k.a. a glorified Apple product salesman. :P

It all began when a friend introduced this tutoring job at Talent Tuition Centre to me. After lazing about at home for a good few weeks after STPM, and completing my IELTS exam in Penang, a job sounded just like too much work for me. I can tell you, at the very beginning, I wasn't very thrilled of taking up the job, it meant having to commit my time and often get out of my comfort zone. Who likes working? But I took the job anyway.

My first job experience wasn't a good one. The person my friend and I worked for kept on delaying in giving us a permanent tutoring class week after week. After a month, I got fed up, and I quit! I decided to hunt for another job. Although I tutored there for 4 weeks, I never did see the "salary" he promised to pay me.

The next job I took up was also another tutoring job, this time at Soyuz Tuition Centre. The lady that runs it, is from FGC (Full Gospel Church), and I must say, I am impressed by the way her tuition centre is run. It's very much different from most tuition centres I've ever been to. She offers almost every subject from Standard 1, right up to Form 5, and not to mention MUET and Singapore syllabus too, and the students are taught by after-Form 6er's, a going-to-be-pharmacist, going-to-be-accountant, and many more. And oh, she pays her tutors well too, RM15 an hour. :D

While I was tutoring, I found out from my dad that Switch was opening in Alor Setar Mall, and they were looking for part-time crews! By the way, if you are wondering what Switch is, here is a little info, Switch is a an authorised Apple dealer and service provider. Finding an Apple product? If you are in Northern East Malaysia, head down to your nearest Switch outlet! :P

Well, back to topic, I love Apple products, but I wasn't sure I was cut up to be a salesman. People who know me well will know that I have a problem talking to strangers. But I decided to give it a try, although I had my reservations.

Working at Switch was much different compared to my tutoring job experiences, although it doesn't pay as well. There was a job interview I had to attend. After that, I had to attend and pass a training programme, to make sure I'm qualified for the job, which I think is unique for a sales job. This means the company take pride in its employees in being well trained of the product they are selling. And oh, did I mention that at the end of the month (usually), there is a gathering to discuss the month's performance, usually on what needing to be improved, faults and mistakes to be corrected, or the latest announcements by headquarters or Apple? I'm sure this culture isn't practiced by many companies, which I feel is good as it breaks down barriers between colleagues and brings the fun into working. :)

Well, working at Switch has been fun, other than hitting the hours and sales target every month, I think I've gained quite a lot by working here. I shall be quitting Switch in a week. That's all from me now, shall be updating more often from now. :)

Book Review: Kill Alex Cross by James Patterson

Time flies, and before you know it, another month has passed. On a random note, I've finished my first book of the month! :D

The president's children has been abducted!... and the kidnappers do not want ransom. CIA, FBI, MPD and the White House are struggling to find the children. As time passes, with no leads, they are desperate. The longer the children are kidnapped, the lower their chances of survival. 

James Patterson can really write well, just after reading a few pages of the book and I got hooked. I mean, who wouldn't want to know some "behind the scenes" stuff about CIA and FBI on how they tackled the case?

As soon the children are kidnapped, another couple is introduced, a Saudi couple, arriving at the airport; Tariq and his wife, Hala. They witnessed a suicide death right in front of their eyes. The weird thing is, they clutched on to a pill in each of their pockets... and that's when I felt that this couple isn't going to be like any ordinary couple that they portray to be.

Things lead from one thing another, such as Alex Cross's grandmother wanting to add a homeless girl, Ava into their family. The introduction of the terrorist group, called "The Family", and key players of the group; "Uncle", "Grandfather", and how they were at war with America.

Rating: 8.5/10

Happy Chinese New Year!

Happy Chinese New Year to all those celebrating on this auspicious day! :)

Things Do Not Change, People Change.

 I'm sure you know this phrase is quoted from Henry David Thoreau, an author and others. That got me thinking, basic needs of a man a century ago and today still remain more or less the same. Man still requires food, water, shelter and human interaction between one another for sustenance. The only difference between today's world and the past is the technological advances which has improved our lives. And if you look at the bigger picture, you'll realize that things have not changed much, but people do.

Over the years, I've come to a realization that man is constantly improving himself for the better. Unforeseen events that occur around me affect me in my decision making, but ultimately, it's my decision that makes the difference. For example, when I was younger, I skipped classes which I felt were boring. I would sometimes sleep or skip off to the library where the time came for the subjects I disliked. The school disciplinary board came down hard on me and gave a an ultimatum, change my ways or be expelled from school. Although one mighty say that with friends, teacher and parents around encouraging and scolding me for the change, I believe that the most important push and motivate would be myself. When one is at the crossroad, who makes the decision in taking which path? You, and no one else. Once the decision is made, there is no turning back, as Robert Frost would have put it,

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
......"

And I did. And that made all the difference to me. :)

Reminiscing Old PLKN Memories.

There was I, clearing my room, throwing STPM papers and some other stuff, stumbled upon my old National Service (PLKN) CB books. Just the other day, my friend told me he was gonna leave for NS, and wanted to know the activities that are carried out there. So, I decided to blog about this book before these books hit the recycle box. And oh, this book is used in classes you'd attend in the morning @ your respective PLKN centres from 9.00 a.m. to 12 noon. :)

When I was first given this book, I was SHOCKED by the content inside. I'm sure you'd do the same if you ever have the chance to get hold of this book. The book covered character building stuff, mostly motivational lessons, like "Impossible to Possible", "Attitude", etc. activities, but with pre-school/primary level style of questions. The classes were kinda boring, and childish, though some were quite fun. Usually, after having a long day the day before, this would be the time where my friends and I would try to get some shut eye, though we were often caught by the teacher, which jolt us up.

That's all for this module, I can't seem to remember anything more. :)

P.S. In this module, there is this activity called "Aktiviti Kapalterbang". You'll be given some newspaper and stuff to make an airplane. Remember to think OUT of the box to get your airplane the furthest! Hint: Which flying object is round and can go furthest when thrown like a ball? :D

2012

The year is almost up.

A new chapter begins. :) 

Time to hit the books.

STPM Countdown to Pengajian Am 2

HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus)

One of the scariest virus around is the RNA virus called HIV! Once thought to have originated from Africa is now found worldwide.

What are the symptoms you would have to look out for?
Well, the progress of this disease can be categorized into 4 stages:

1. First Phase: Most individuals will have no symptoms, but some might develop a rash, flu, and swollen lymph glands.
2. Second Phase: Production of anti-HIV rises in blood stream. Although the level of HIV in blood falls, HIV replication continues in lymph nodes. This phase can last anywhere from weeks till more than 13 years.
3. Third Phase: AIDS related complex refers to many opportunistic infections which affect the patient, like fungal and viral infections such as oral and genital herpes.
4. Fourth Phase: Development of secondary cancers. Kaposi's sarcoma and non-Hodgkin's lymphoma are common. By this time, there is total loss of cellular immunity.

Mechanism of HIV Infection:

1. HIV enters the body through body fluid or blood transfusion.
2. HIV binds with CD4 receptors on the surface of T helper cell.
3. Both membranes then fuse while the capsid is enzymatically removed to release viral RNA and reverse transcriptase into the cytoplasm of the helper T cell.
4. Viral RNA undergoes reverse transcription followed by replication to produce a double-stranded viral DNA with the help of enzyme reverse transcriptase.
5. Reverse transcriptase catalyses the synthesis of second DNA, which is complementary to the first.
6. Viral DNA enters the nucleus and is incorporated into host DNA, as a provirus.
7. Provirus may remain dormant but is replicated each time host cell divides.
8. Activated provirus causes host cell to synthesize huge amounts of viral protein and viral mRNA which are then assembled into new retroviruses.
9. New retroviruses bud off from host cell membrane, infecting other helper T cells.
10. Number of helper T cells will gradually decrease and cause risk of individual contacting other diseases and finally leading to death.

Immune Response of Humans.

There are two types of immune response, or rather, what my Bio book tells me so. I was kinda tired of stuffing the facts into my head, so I thought I would type it out here on my iPod Blogger app. :)

Cell-Mediated Immunity:

Cell-Mediated Immune Response

1. T cells formed in the blood marrow circulate in the blood circulatory system until it reaches the thymus glands.
2. In thymus glands, T cells differentiate to form T helper cells and T cytotoxic cells, each with a unique type of T cell receptor on its surface.
3. Mature T helper cell circulates in the blood circulatory system until it reaches an antigen representing cell (APC).
4. If antigen-MHC complex on APC is complementary with the T cell receptor on the T helper cell, the T cell binds to the APC.
5. T helper cell that binds with APC secretes interleukin 1.
6. Interleukin 1 stimulates production of interleukin 2.
7. Interleukin 2 stimulates the division of T helper cells and T cytotoxic cells to produce clones of effector T helper & effector T cytotoxic cells respectively and memory cells.
8. Circulating T cytotoxic cells bind with complementary antigen-MHC complex on infected cells.
9. Effector T cytotoxic cells release perforin that perforated the infected cells to stimulate autolysis.
10. Effector cytotoxic T cells attacks other infected cells, as infected cell perform autolysis.
11. Memory T cells respond for a second invasion of the same pathogen by actively dividing to form effector T cells.

Humoral Immune Response:

1. B cells are formed and mature in bone marrow.
2. Mature B cells synthesize antibodies, which attach to the 2 tips acting as receptors.
3. B cells with complimentary antibody phagocytosise the free complimentary antigens encountered.
4. Antigen is cut into smaller pieces and presented as the antigen-MHC complex on it's plasma membrane.
5. T helper cell with complimentary T cell receptor binds to antigen-MHC complex.
6. T helper cell secretes interleukin 2.
7. Interleukin 2 stimulates B cell to divide and, form clones of effector B cells and memory cells.
8. Effector B cells produce large quantity of free antibodies with same specific configuration.
9. Antibodies destroys antigen by precipitation, antitoxins and agglutination.

Interesting how our immune system works, right?
The only problem is, it's only interesting when you need not memorize it for finals!

Indifferent.

Look at this photo.

All the trays are same in color and in shape. It's a bit like humans if you come to think about it. You and I are the same (in general), we have 2 hands, 2 feet, 2 eyes, 2 ears, etc. But what make us so different?

Thought of the day. :)

Trials will begin as soon as the Raya break is over. This "holiday" didn't seem like one at all.

Anyway, good luck to all those who will be taking their "appetizers" this Tuesday. :D

Go Tigers!

Hitam Kuning! Hitam Kuning! Hitam Kuning! Go Tigers! Go Tigers!

Malaysia will be taking on Singapore tonight, on home ground in Jalan Besar Stadium.

Will the Malaysia be able to score at least 2 goals on advantage?

We shall soon know.

OMK 2011!

Set two different alarms to make sure I woke up for this competition. I had to drag myself out from bed at 6 just to get to school and be on time to board the bus to UNIMAP, Perlis. It seems that Kedah and Perlis hopefuls were scheduled to sit the OMK papers together.

I'm sure you would be in the dark what is OMK all about, if you have never heard of OMK before. Well, OMK stands for Olimpiad Matematik Kebangsaan, a mathematics competition, which is held annually, to select Malaysia's Maths champion to represent Malaysia in the World Mathematics Olympiad. My form, had 5 representatives, all guys, 3 from my class. :D

Students all around Perlis and Kedah met at the centre an hour before the test started, as required. Kolej Sultan Abdul Hamid also sent representatives with at least 8 from Form 6. I happened to know a few of them who came. :D

Sitting for OMK is something new for me. I've not sat for this competition before. It was rather a urmmm... not much of a new experience. Sharing a little about the test... The competition lasts for 2.5 hours. There are 9 questions in this competition. 6 questions requires just the answer, while the remaining 3 requires you to show the working for the solution. The 6 front questions, if answered correctly, will be awarded 2 marks each, while the behind 3 questions if answered correctly with the correct steps will be awarded 6 marks each. And I must say, the questions are not easy!

Can you imagine that the OMK questions had mistakes? Not minor errors, but a MAJOR error! Halfway through the competition, they asked us to change one of the question's positive sign to a negative sign. Such errors shouldn't be made in the first place! Isn't this a Kebangsaan competition?!? What happened to the checking and double-checking of the questions?

Overall, I know I stand no chance in this competition, they others are just too good. I didn't know how to do quite a number of questions. This just shows how weak I am in Mathematics. :( One of my junior, could answer all (except for one question, which he wasn't quite sure of). I guess he will be the champion for this district. :D Keat Hwa boleh!

Anyway, it was fun! I quite enjoyed myself. :D

Holidays are Over!

It's JUNE already. Time flies!

In about less than 72 hours from now, I'll be dragging myself out from bed, staggering to the bathroom, taking a quick shower, crawling into the same school uniform I've been wearing since I was 13.

School is reopening!
"So what?"

*ponders more*
"Crap! Mid-term exam results are coming out!"
"Sunday got Chem, Bio and Maths!"

Oh well, I know for a fact, that only recently, I've been trying to actually WORK HARD, for once. I've never actually wanted something so badly before. I need to work harder to achieve 4.0! I've got to take this exam's result as a lesson to strive harder. :D

A whole load of events are awaiting me in school. Sport's Sukan Tara, Sport's Day, Keat Hwa's 100 year anniversary, Form Six Society Interviews, Form Six Night, etc. It's going to be a real busy time in school. I hope I will be able to manage my time properly. Distractions, SHOO! :D

STPM is coming! I wonder how the teachers are going to finish another volume of Biology and almost the entire Paper 2 for Maths. I mean, there are at least another 14 chapters for Biology alone! And the next question is, how am I going to stuff everything into my head! GAH!

Oh well. Life has it's tough and easy times. I'm having a good life. :)

What is there to complain about? :)

Appreciate what you have today. Everything you have today, might just be taken away from you. Who knows? :)

A lil' About Life...

It's like saying goodbye to the future~

What happens when you do badly in your exam?

You get criticized.

You feel disheartened.
You feel like you are worthless.
The longing of suicide just feels so intense.
The world you know is crumbling all around you.
And worse off, the world treats you like you're a nobody.

I was lucky enough that I had a good set of parents. I am thankful for them, or I wouldn't be where I am now. I've realized, reflecting on my life for the things I've been through for the past 5 years, how much I've been through. It has been one real frightening roller-coaster ride. And although I've side-tracked many times, they have always pulled me back. Ahhh... if it wasn't for them, I would be probably have gone out into the working world, struggling to make ends meet.

Which brings me back to reality... My mid-term exams are currently on-going now. And I know, I will get really BAD results. I know I've been making many excuses to myself, and it's time for me to make a stand. I am not working hard enough as I should be. Trials are in 2 to 3 months time, and here I am, still spending wayyyy to much time on distractions. Do I really want to flunk my trials and my major exam? I don't think so.

My history is repeating itself.

Progress, far from consisting in change, depends on retentiveness. When change is absolute there remains no being to improve and no direction is set for possible improvement; and when experience is not retained, as among savages, infancy is perpetual. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. - George Santayana

I've realized how true this quote is. Lately, I've been taking life too good. I've neglected what I've planned. I've forgotten who I am, and who I wanted to be. I told myself I would not repeat what happened to my SPM to my STPM. But things changed as time got along, talk is cheap.

I've finally woken up from my slumber... I hope.

God, I need You, and I seek You. Help me this day oh Lord, and the days to come.

Democracy Today... Still Tomorrow?

Democracy has been around for, centuries? The first democratic country recorded is Greece! ...and that was some hundred years ago. Democracy, has been practiced and is being practised by most countries today, majority the well developed countries. We have so many other political systems, like communism, dictatorship, etc... but most still favor democracy. Why?

The answer is obvious. People want freedom and basic civil rights, something that democracy offers and others don't. Do people want to be oppressed by the government always, watching unfair policies being made, biasedness towards different kinds of people? I personally wouldn't want a government like that. Democracy gives us this freedom, the freedom of speech, the freedom of religion, equality and son on. And these are the basic rights that people want in today's society.

Democracy also allows change. In a communist country, if the leader of the day is corrupted, nobody is able to do anything, unless well, someone assassinates him. In a democratic country, if the government of the day is corrupted, the people have the right to vote it out and bring change.

Democracy also in it's unique way allows its own people to rule it's own nation. Unlike other countries, who practise dynastic monarchy rule, power is handed down according to the blood line. That means if you are not of royal blood, the power to rule a country can never be yours. This, by today's standard, is unacceptable! Can you stand a leader who keeps siphoning money from it's people? Take Brunei for an example. Their country is ruled monarchy style. And sad to say, patronage is very apparent there. The king's son is using it's country's wealth to throw parties, buy properties, basically plundering the country for personal gain. What can be used to improve the standard of living of it's people is being used for personal use. Why would anyone in the right frame of mind who knows his or her right support the government as that?

Oh well. I believe democracy is the way to run a nation today. But who knows, there might be new ideologies popping up, and one might be even better than democracy. Who knows? In a 100 years from now, democracy might be replaced. :)