It's like saying goodbye to the future~What happens when you do badly in your exam?
You get criticized.
You feel like you are worthless.
The longing of suicide just feels so intense.
The world you know is crumbling all around you.
And worse off, the world treats you like you're a nobody.
I was lucky enough that I had a good set of parents. I am thankful for them, or I wouldn't be where I am now. I've realized, reflecting on my life for the things I've been through for the past 5 years, how much I've been through. It has been one real frightening roller-coaster ride. And although I've side-tracked many times, they have always pulled me back. Ahhh... if it wasn't for them, I would be probably have gone out into the working world, struggling to make ends meet.
Which brings me back to reality... My mid-term exams are currently on-going now. And I know, I will get really BAD results. I know I've been making many excuses to myself, and it's time for me to make a stand. I am not working hard enough as I should be. Trials are in 2 to 3 months time, and here I am, still spending wayyyy to much time on distractions. Do I really want to flunk my trials and my major exam? I don't think so.
My history is repeating itself.
Progress, far from consisting in change, depends on retentiveness. When change is absolute there remains no being to improve and no direction is set for possible improvement; and when experience is not retained, as among savages, infancy is perpetual. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. - George SantayanaI've realized how true this quote is. Lately, I've been taking life too good. I've neglected what I've planned. I've forgotten who I am, and who I wanted to be. I told myself I would not repeat what happened to my SPM to my STPM. But things changed as time got along, talk is cheap.
I've finally woken up from my slumber... I hope.
God, I need You, and I seek You. Help me this day oh Lord, and the days to come.
